Learning Something New

When was the last completely new thing you learned. Was it hard for you to keep on task trying or was there something else pushing you forward? Was it putting a roof over your head or just getting out of a situation you didn’t want to be in? What was the hardest part for you?

I’m trying to find the space in myself to do this. It’s incredibly hard and I sometimes just feel like my brain isn’t up to the task… But I have to be I want to prove I can do this because I don’t want to be where I’m at forever. I need more than this. I want more than this. I feel more trapped than ever and that I can’t get the break I need.

So I’m learning to code and it’s so far from my wheelhouse but, I’m trying harder than I probably ever did at school. It just feels like I’m slamming my head against a brick wall waiting for the things to come together and some of it is, slowly. But I think this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Harder than writing a book, harder than telling my truth, harder than just getting out of bed.

I feel like a lot of what I’ve been doing, though difficult, hasn’t been beat your brain bloody difficult. Other people have done it so I can learn. I just don’t know that I’ll ever be as good as I want to be at anything I try. And a part of me just feels like I’m too old for this. That my brain doesn’t work like it used to, sucking up tidbits of knowledge like a vacuum so I could show everyone how smart I was for a few minutes. These past few weeks have been exhausting for more than one reason but, I’m glad to be doing this. I’m glad to be learning even if it’s been a thing right now.


Hey Readers, why not name the hardest thing you had to do in the comments. Something that really made you dig deep. I think if we share when things don’t come easy for us the hard things become a little easier because it’s not just us who feel like it was difficult. I want this job and I will do what I can to get it. Even if it takes a lot out of me.

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