Writer update March!

Things have been pratically unbearable at work and honestly the only thing that’s been getting me through is writing every night. I’m shattering my earlier records and really putting my all in this. I want to take up freelance writing I hope that’ll help me improve. I know I probably say it enough to make it cliche but I feel like I’m getting better but I won’t stop.

I have a friend that’s always trying to get better and I want to be like them. Plus they have given me a special bit of motivation. Find someone who will give you that boost that’ll fit you. It’s hard for me to get motivated by myself but knowing that I have to turn in my progress to someone who’ll praise me when I do get something right and not scold me when I don’t do it has really put the onus of progress on me.

Mechanically, the way I put my sentences together seem to be improving. I’m always listening to new stories to see how they bring things together how their dialouge work furthers their character growth and trying to understand the story structures I like. I opening up old works and trying to hone them a bit better. One day they should see the light of day. Please be paitent with me dear readers. Good luck out there!

A Poem About Unfettered Benevolence

I could have written my rage on the page

Dragged you in metaphor and smilie

Damned you in with grammar

and well constructed lines

But, I’m better than that

I’m not that guy

I wouldn’t do that

I won’t write an open letter,

listing all of your faults

Or compose poetry to your misdeeds

Tearing you down in couplets

Slamming you with soliloquy

Play you like a playwright

However, I’m a benevolent master of the written word

I won’t shame you here…

just know that I could

Hey this was meant to be a kind of funny tongue and cheek thing, I hope you like it while I finish up a few of my longer blog posts and maybe even debut a short story. Hope your week goes well damn, hope my does too.

Clippings of Conversation

I still remember your “Hey”s and sighs
I recite your dreams
Sing your tears
Can’t forget your heartbeat
And cadence
But I only hear clippings of conversations

I remember my rage
My angst
Your sweet toxin
Our Warmth
Hours of my life swallowed up in perfect lips
Only loose thoughts reach out

I remember pain and loss
Moving forward
Death
Mass annihilation
Bounding betrayals
But I only have clippings of conversations

Our time blurred
I am not the same man
But I wonder would you love me
Would your kisses taste the same
Even with just clippings
I have more than you

Despiration vol. 1

Where do you put your work in

Where does your heart go

I just want to hear you say something

Maybe this is what I was missing before

I wanna hear more than I love you

more than I want you

Do you really know me

or just the parts I show you

please just see me

I’m right here in front of you

You Remind Me of the Rain

Summer Showers and Fall Downpours

Hurricanes, Tempests, and Late Night Rhythms

You Remind Me of the Rain.

Fresh Chilled Lips and Love Soaked Clothes

Unexpected with a Lightly Kissed Nose

You Remind Me of the Rain.

Show My World in a Brand New Light

Shuffling People Indoors, Under Coats and Covers

You Remind Me of the Rain

Tea in Hand and Windy Hips Swaying

Words Seeping Out A Wide Brim Smile and Babbling Giggles

You Remind Me of the Rain

Hands Over Head Cheering

Relief in a Deserted Dream Fearing

You Remind Me of the Rain

Bleak Repose and Warring Tumult

Tropical Storm Sinking, Inner Thoughts Streaking

You Remind Me of the Rain

In Your Many Forms

And Everything that Comes with Them

You Remind of the Rain.

The Act of Loving

When the act of loving is missing,

you can really feel it.

It’s sweet words and squishy feelings

Without thick walls and drawn curtains

Its sex without foreplay

Or pulling teeth to get the

one thing you thought you’d both like to do… done.

It’s loneliness

Giving more of yourself then you can stand

It’s “What do you want me to do?!”

Yelled out while someone just

wants to you to hold them

It’s not being able to share your day

Your month

Your year

Your life

It’s walking around on egg shells

because if you put into words

the things that are really wrong

you’ll break things

and that might break you.

It’s the threat of leaving

Hanging over and spoken out loud

Drilling into your insecurities

But you know what you need.

So leave

Go and get it.

Passenger

The car waits at the intersection way too long

The rhythm of the blinker keeps tick tick ticking

I come to a stop on yellow

And drive just a little too slow

But, it’s all to make the drive go smoothe

Check the mirrors a bit more than is expressly necessary

Don’t honk when that red truck cuts me off

Terrified by the swerving semi

White knuckles on big black hands

But it’s all to make the drive go smoothe

Glancing at you out of the corner of my eye

While streetlights paint your sleeping face

Not even singing when my song comes on

Filling my heart as each mile passes

Whispered “I love you”s under my breath

But it’s all I can do to make the drive go smoothe smoothe.

Spark

I feel at times like a dark room

Full of possibility, promise, and a hint of threat

A match struck

and revealed in me something

I wasn’t aware I needed.

The red light seared my weakened eyes

And then I beheld it.

 

Dimension, volume, and purpose

And when it left

I’m left with more woe than was ever known before

As if light itself was always meant to be…

Fleeting.

 

With just one flash it solidified my walls

threw away nebulosity

and because of that,

I feel,

I can’t return to the void again.

 

Should I wait

Hold my breath and suffer

or am I subsisting on nothing more than a blank promise?

And if were to come another time

instead of merely beholding it’s quenching glow

I will find my own light switch

and shine the light that was always meant to be mine.

Happy Birthday Jacob!!!

Happy Birthday Brother. I know it’s probably late coming and I’m hoping this finds you well and happy. How have you been? What’s the weather like? I know I’ve never been good with small talk but, I’d I didn’t ask I’m sure Mother would get mad…

I miss you. There’s no easy way to say this cause you’re gone an I’m not. But I miss you. Just because it got easier to say your name and what happened without it sticking in my throat doesn’t mean I love you less.

It’s been eight long years and so much has changed. I don’t go to where we buried you often enough and I hope my silent eulogies are almost as good as vocal ones. I’m sorry if I don’t feel you there. It’s way too quiet for you. You were loud and vocal. In a place where vocal wasn’t always great. But you were great. You were visible when sometimes I wanted to hide away. And you loved like only children can unconditionally and radiant. Being loved by you was such a great feeling.

I’ve changed a lot and I hope that you’d have been proud of me. I learned to lean a little over into loving the way you do and it’s made all the difference. I’ve drawn people towards me that I’ll love for a lifetime. I’ve learned to be vocal. To stand up for the things I believed in and in a world on the cusp of changing, I wonder would you have been there with me? I stopped being nearly so lazy and I’m working and at a much better job than I’ve had before. I’m writing and maybe not the things I always should be but, I’ll work on procrastination later.

I’ve decided to visible to be heard and I hope you’d be proud of me. That you might again look up to me as your older brother. I’d be filled with the most sincere happiness I could imagine.

You were everything to me. It wasn’t easy picking up my pieces after you left but I hope the man I am now will be enough to for you to smile upon. And as I hastily write this before work, I hope you know aftershocks of your kindness are still felt all over. I’m thankful that you have never come to me in my dreams as anger or sorrow. It’s always been one more game, one more show, one more movie and one more hug. It wasn’t easy losing you and I wish I’d seen you in your final moments but, you have given me all that I could ever ask for.

Your Brother,

Warren