I want to be better. I want to achieve better things so to me it just means so much when someone wants the same things. Like trying to learn something new or improving on what you already do well is just so cool. Like putting the time in to achieve something is so much fun.
I have recently been putting my time into learning to cook. I mean I was able to do normal dude stuff like make breakfast but just not good at doing literally anything else. In the past few weeks I’ve learned to bake chicken, sear chicken, and make quesadillas. I know that’s not much yet… I’m working on a budget and literally knew nothing. I think next I’ll make soup.
Back to the previous topic, I just feel like I’m trying to learn to become more well rounded. I may be able to write greeting cards that make people cry but, that’s not gonna save me if I my refridgerator shuts down. I’ve built a few new things of furniture and maybe next for me is learning to sew or some embroidery. I think maybe that could be a usefull skill.
I don’t know what has come over me this last year but, I like that I’ve changed a lot with my mentality and even more with how I view a few things. I want to become a more interesting, more likable person, a warrior for the causes I believe in, and someone who is well read. 2021 has been a year of the new Warren, I hope that reflects here.
I’ve been through a few things and seen some people stagnate in ways that I can’t really stomach. And one person who’s taken to learning new things and improving in ways I can’t help but marvel at. I think maybe I’ll ask people going forward what they did during the pandemic. I know that probably won’t be a fair judgement but I have to say the people who have improved definitely have something else in them. Some have really thrived during this time and while I can’t say the same I’ve tried to improve. I don’t want to look back at this time as the lost years. I don’t want to just stagnate anymore.
Hey readers, what have you done during this pandemic. It can be something small or something big, how have you become a better person? Hang in there, we can see the horizon!
I wonder sometimes when that feeling kicks in, the one where you’re about to go over the falls, if that’s just some illusion that your mind is tricking you with. Walking you down a path well trodden. Guiding you to some ecstatic mirage where you’ve missed the true oasis by miles but, that’s okay you’re drinking sand right where you belong.
Recently, I’ve been wondering if I’ve fallen in love with myself all those times. I wonder if what I saw in those eyes was just a reflection of the love I gave so willingly. This isn’t me being sad but, I’ve said I love you so many times I’ve probably lost count. Penned poems of heart songs and heartbreak. I’ve been getting better at relationships. I just don’t always know if I’ve been giving my heart to the right people.
And as I stand on the precipice of something new I have to ask myself is this all real again or am I doing this to myself if nothing else was right for me how could this be it? Is this how it’s supposed to be? Do we fall for self-idealized versions of others only to decide to stay or go when the sheet gets removed and we see that person in the garish light of day? If all of that is true, when do we learn to see that person for who they are at the begining and maybe not so late in.
I’m an early bird. I love the times at night when no one else is awake. Those are the times when I feel like the world is infinite. Like outside my window things aren’t concrete yet. Like they only settle when the sun comes up. I know that’s weird but, for me thats the perfect time to write. When there’s a halo of fantasy out that’s a perfect time. What’s yours? When are you the most productive?
The fact that my job now has me coming in at noon is the worst. Noon is the perfect time for a cat nap. When the sun comes high and bright through my window and sunlight tickles my bed. My room hits the perfect heat and I stretch out…ugh! When do you like to take naps? Can you even take naps anymore? Are there things that stop you? Take a nap. This ones on me.
I love watching movies at sunset. I know it’s weird but, the perfect time too because things aren’t so late that you’re tired and can’t focus but, it seems like you’re falling back into the fantasy you left in the morning. It’s kind of romantic in that sense. Sunset is the most romantic time to get lost in. If I could open a door to sunset any time I needed to slow down, I’d be so happy.
Are you as weird as me? Do you even think about things like this? Honestly I probably have way too much time on my hand but, maybe you’re a bit like me? Maybe you should construct your perfect day. Take advantage of the break with convention we’re all expierencing and do something for you. You deserve it. If you needed a sign to tell you to take advantage of your time today or tomorrow then this is it! Good luck, readers.
Over the weekend, I did something that made me feel uncomfortable. It scooped my stomach out because I thought it was the right move. I believed that sacrificing my comfort was worth it to make someone else happy. And the worst part is I don’t know if it did.
I wonder sometimes why we do the things we do. Like why do we roll over our gut feelings and instincts to try and make people happy? I mean is it cause it makes us happy? I believe that answer is no. I think the reason we do this is because we can’t stand the tension. I think our fear of even a bit of tension in our lives leads us to do self-destructive things.
I don’t mean things like punching walls or cutting ourselves. Even those are symptoms of a problem built up over time. I mean self-destructive like refusing to apologize or leaving a bad situation. We try so hard to keep that tension inside that it ruptures our insides when if we had released it much earlier it would have been much less a problem than we probably made it out to be.
Now I’m not saying to steam roll over someone else’s feelings but, maybe what you think is a big deal isn’t really a big deal. Maybe you should trust your relationships with those people you care about to bear that bit of tension. Maybe they’ll surpise you by understanding and the people who don’t weren’t worth all that much worry anyway. I know that’s easier said than done, throwing out your bad relationships but, I will tell you that they lift so much weight and anxiety from your shoulders.
So good luck out there dealing with your uncomfortable feelings but, maybe you have a better way of dealing with them then I do. I knew this was probably going to be a lot for me going in and I just didn’t listen to myself. Hopefully, you all are better listeners. Has anything made you uncomfortable recently? Maybe make a comment on this blog, get that feeling out. It’s quiet over here no many people listening but, you and me.